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After 20 some years I remembered the persons name that gave me HIV. There was a memorialization on his Princeton Alma Matter page. This is mid 80's when no information was available about HIV. Thank you Reagan.

I don't know how I remembered his name. It just came to me for the first time in many years as of recent. He was 35 and I was 17 when we met. He liked chicken I guess. I was taken advantage of.

I'm 46 now. He died at 39 while attending Cambridge. So it was said he died of a heart attack. Right...... at 39.

He lost interest in me when I started to develop into a man (I was in the military). I didn't realize at the time he was pretty much a pedophile. Yes, I was attracted to older men and yes I did find him to be a mate. He didn't however. He was completely into young smart pre-college young men.

When I became HIV positive, the disease was still called GRIDS and then to HTLV III. Didn't know a thing about it. Otherwise, I would have avoided it. I'm not an idiot. Had I known, I would have lived a much different life.

I need to get this out of my system. If I don't, I'm going to self immolate.

I've been HIV positive now for 29 years. Doing well. Unbelievably well. I've never traded my disease with anyone!

So here I am...doing well as I can. I've got a considerable amount of bitterness. Yes, I am angry.

Why did I have to live this life of extreme sickness? I've nearly died several times throughout my life. All in the name of trying to be loved and trying to exist.

Love, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. It's elusive and it's hard to come by. Especially if you have what I do.

I'm fortunate to have had love, but now I'm lonely and totally feel like a useless eater and of nothingness. There is nothing in my life that makes me feel like a contributor. Sometimes, I wish I were put out of my misery. Yet I know I am a good human being.

Thank you for letting me bend your ears. I've got a lot of steam to let off. A great deal of it. I'm not trying to bring anyone down. I'm needing a lift up. I'm terribly alone and terribly frightened about the future. Blackness is a horrible view.

I was 17 when we met

I didn't realize at the time he was pretty much a pedophile.

Aids - anally injected death sentence.

I know it's old - but still quite accurate.

Perhaps - but hey - that's me, no offense meant.

We all have our "crosses to bear" in life guy, I cannot possibly empathize with your situation.

I am down 30% in the bourses and my favorite Caddy blew it's engine yesterday - those are my crosses to bear.

At least I didn't say "Another Infected Dick Sucker".

Like I said, don't be offended - and I'm serious.

Learn to laugh at life - no matter the situation.

Conway The Contaminationist  Wrote:

Perhaps - but hey - that's me, no offense meant.

We all have our "crosses to bear" in life guy, I cannot possibly empathize with your situation.

I am down 30% in the bourses and my favorite Caddy blew it's engine yesterday - those are my crosses to bear.

At least I didn't say "Another Infected Dick Sucker".

Like I said, don't be offended - and I'm serious.

Learn to laugh at life - no matter the situation.

Your a sick f*ck and a waste of good air that we could be breathing !

Some guy stuck his Rick in your ass and gave you aids. He croaked and you have to life with it. It's called "consequences".

And how the f*ck is it Reagan's fault? You get aids from gay fudgery, drug use, or blood transfusion from one of those two groups. f*ck you and you dreams of a utopian nanny state.