News

**Prophet Of Ralph** lop guest User ID: 116088 08-22-2012 04:31 PM

Big Ralph is unforgiving but he does change.

Unlike other deities Big Ralph is fully conscious that He created his arch-enemy Small Dave to f*ck things up in the world. Big Ralph, unlike other deities, is not without a sense of humor or a sense of irony.

To Join The Church Of Big Ralph
Email [email protected]

(My name is Storm Piper by the way, 1st Prophet Of Ralph)

Pledge this:-

O Big Ralph I worship thee
All other gods are false
Thou art unforgiving and o so mighty
You didst make the animals in your magic coloring book
The multiverse thou madest too
Nobody else didst make thou up
Because your uncreatedness is true
I do not ask for scientific proof of you
I give myself with faith and hope
I would like you to look after me when I die
And do horrific things to atheists
Who deserve everything
They get
Frankly

**Funk Junkie**

Are you talking about small Dave who hails from the Republic of Dave?

**LoP Guest** lop guest User ID: 116088 08-22-2012 04:36 PM

Funk Junkie Wrote:

Are you talking about small Dave who hails from the Republic of Dave?

Many people who follow Ralphism, the Church Of Big Ralph lament the fact that Big Ralph Himself created Small Dave, his nemesis and enemy.

But we all know Small Dave was originally one of Big Ralph's most trusted workers, tasked with building lakes and rivers of various chemical combinations for various spacefaring races who purchased planets (or whole solar systems) from Big Ralph's Heliopolis World Construction Inc.

Many billions of years ago Small Dave illegally formed a Union of River and Lakes Workers then had the temerity to wind all of the other workers up and demand a century off every millennia. Big Ralph sent his trusted henchman Barry Of The Big Fists to mediate to no avail.

This enraged Big Ralph and he offered half a century off to Small Dave and his 'Bras', again this was met with derision.

Big Ralph then sacked Small Dave, who along with his co-workers started up his own company Small Dave Evil Lake and River Construction. By this time Big Ralph had put Big Sheila in charge of Lakes And Rivers.

Lo, then didst Small Dave rewire his Lake-constructor and started to manufacture false gods, false spirits, false prophecies and sell them to primitive bronze age human tribes.

Big Ralph was verily even more f*cked off and banished Small Dave to The Great Shopping Mall In The Sky, whose prices for drinks and foodstuffs in its food hall alone is outrageous.

Small Dave still escapes to cause havoc to this day!

**Sunny**

I'm still waiting for Big Ralphs wrath.

**Moranic_Mayhem** lop guest User ID: 14081 08-22-2012 04:39 PM

link to image: http://i950.photobucket.com/albums/ad348.../ralph.gif

**LoP Guest** lop guest User ID: 116088 08-22-2012 04:39 PM

Sunny Wrote:

I'm still waiting for Big Ralphs wrath.

Give Him a chance, He can't be everywhere at once

**Funk Junkie**

Small Dave and the Church of Dave

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Toxncs0lHI8

**ASA**

I believe in the gnostic version of this story Big Ralph and Little Dave are actually in cahoots, working behind the back of the aging Don Clueless Eddie.

**LoP Guest** lop guest User ID: 116088 08-22-2012 04:44 PM

Funk Junkie Wrote:

Small Dave and the Church of Dave

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Toxncs0lHI8

I am not about to pollute my mind with EVIL, this comes as no surprise that these Evil Small Dave-ists exist

**Wolf Pup**

I was going to join the church of the Fonz...EHHHHHHHHmen

**LoP Guest** lop guest User ID: 116088 08-22-2012 04:48 PM

ASA Wrote:

I believe in the gnostic version of this story Big Ralph and Little Dave are actually in cahoots, working behind the back of the aging Don Clueless Eddie.

very funny, atheist

~~Jedi Knight Stevus~~

Vomiting does suck.

**LoP Guest** lop guest User ID: 116088 08-22-2012 05:02 PM

Jedi Knight Stevus Wrote:

Vomiting does suck.

very funny, atheist, and it actually does the opposite

~~Jedi Knight Stevus~~

LoP Guest Wrote:

Jedi Knight Stevus Wrote:
Vomiting does suck.

very funny, atheist, and it actually does the opposite

I'm not a atheist.