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**JH Unplugged**

Powhatan Wrote:

A guy brings his foreign wife to the ballpark and tries to explain baseball to her.
The first hitter strikes out, so she asks what happened.
"The hitter got three strikes, so he's out and has to go back to the dugout" he explained.
The next hitter got a walk and started to go to first.
"Why is he doing that?" she asked.
"He got 4 balls, so he gets to walk to first base".
The wife gets a shocked look on her face, stands up and yells
"Walk proud young man, walk proud!"

A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.

She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand ?"

And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

Anon

**JH Unplugged**

Angry Red Man Wrote:

Welcome to unsanctioned comedy night ... Cheers

**JH Unplugged**

Ghenghy Wrote:

A hairlip walks into a bar... oh f*ck nevermind, this board is not worthy of anything funny.

Oh hell yes it is ... chuckle

**Powhatan**

Guy from Montana told me this one

You know why God created women?
cause sheep can't cook.

**Angry Red Man**

Powhatan Wrote:

Guy from Montana told me this one

You know why God created women?
cause sheep can't cook.

Why do cowboys make lousy lovers?

Because the think 8 seconds is a good ride.

**Motherduck** · **Motherduck** Kiwi Duck User ID: 49375 06-11-2012 04:52 AM **Posts: 8,973**

Powhatan Wrote:

Guy from Montana told me this one

You know why God created women?
cause sheep can't cook.

**Currahee**

Many a

so far

Thanks all

Peace

**JH Unplugged**

Loving it ... Jptdknpa

laughs are good fer us... Jhikpghf

The Perfect Breakfast As a Man Sees It

You’re sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of Wheaties, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your ex-wife is on the back of the milk carton.

Hiding3

**Angry Red Man**

**JH Unplugged**

Three Texans, Slim, Billy-Bob and Bubba died and went to heaven.
At the pearly gates, they were met by St. Peter, who explained
that although it was late and God had retired for the evening, he
had asked Albert Einstein to show them around so they wouldn't get
bored before they met God in the morning. After Einstein had
introduced himself to Slim, he asked, "By the way, Slim, what was
your IQ when you were alive?"
"159", said Slim.
"Great!", said Einstein. We'll discuss my general theory of
relativity and maybe a little unified field theory as I show you
around."
"What an exciting opportunity!", said Slim.
Einstein then introduced himself to Billy-Bob, and when he was
done he said, "Tell me, Billy-Bob - what was your IQ when you were
alive?"
"141", said Billy-Bob.
"Good," said Einstein. "If you'd like, we can discuss a little
mathematics and philosophy as I point out the heavenly sights."
"Nothing I'd like better!" was Billy-Bob's reply.
After Einstein had introduced himself to Bubba, he asked, "What
was your IQ when you were alive, Bubba?"
"58" said Bubba.
Punching him on the arm, Einstein said, "Hey, Bubba - How 'bout
them Cowboys!"

**LoP Guest** lop guest User ID: 58637 06-11-2012 05:18 AM

Did I tell you guys and girls that I had a costume party on the weekend? Was alright. Told people to dress as an emotion. One guy dressed all in blue, his attempt at sad. Kind of a lame costume though, I thought. There was a guy dressed all in red, too. But he had some stupid antenna-like things on his head to show he was fuming. It was at least better than the sad costume. I had to turn one guy away. A big Indian. Not because I'm racist but because he came naked, with a pear shoved onto his dick. When I asked him what emotion he was supposed to be, he said he was "deep in dis pear."

Don't be afraid to hit that high hat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYQAFJXYNp0

**Powhatan**

Guy walks into a doctors office and says
"d-d-doctor I have a t-t-terrible stuttering p-p-problem, can you help m-m-me, I'll do anything to be c-c-cured.
The doctor examines him and says
"Your problem is that your penis is way too large, and you're not getting enough blood to the speech part of your brain. Fortunately your problem can be solved by transplanting a smaller penis onto you"
The desperate stutterer agrees to the operation, has it done, wakes up and goes home.
A week later he returns to the doctor's office:
"Doc, I really appreciate what you've done for me, but my wife isn't happy with the smaller penis. I'd hate to go back to stuttering, but I want my old one re-attached".
The doctor looks up from his desk and says
f-f-f*ck you, you're not getting it b-b-back.

**Rager** lop guest User ID: 100397 06-11-2012 05:21 AM

I had a thread like this.

**JH Unplugged**

The huge college football rivalry in Texas is the annual big game
between the Texas Longhorns and the Texas A&M Aggies.

A few years back, the Longhorns would win this game every year. The Aggie coaches called a meeting after a particularly bad thrashing one year to figure out why they couldn't beat the Longhorns. They decided to go
straight to the source and send one of their assistant coaches, Bubba,
to Austin to find the answer.

Bubba decided to go straight to the top, walked right onto the
Longhorn practice field and went directly to the Longhorn head coach
and asked, "Why do y'all beat the Aggies every year?"

Darrell, the Texas coach replied, "Well, it's 'cause Aggies are
stupid. Let me demonstrate..."

Darrell led Bubba to the brick building at the end of the field,
held his hand up against the wall, and said, "Hit my hand."

Bubba couldn't pass up this chance to do harm to the leader of the
Longhorns, so he cocked his fist way back and threw his hardest punch.
At the last moment, Darrell moved his hand out of the way and Bubba
went back to College Station with a broken hand.

The Aggie head coach was eager to learn what Bubba had found out in
Austin and asked him the next day during practice. Bubba explained, "Well, we are losing every year because Aggies are stupid. Let me demonstrate..."
He looked around the field, but couldn't see a brick wall, so he
held his hand in front of his face and said, "Hit my hand....

Cheers

**JH Unplugged**

Powhatan Wrote:

Guy walks into a doctors office and says
"d-d-doctor I have a t-t-terrible stuttering p-p-problem, can you help m-m-me, I'll do anything to be c-c-cured.
The doctor examines him and says
"Your problem is that your penis is way too large, and you're not getting enough blood to the speech part of your brain. Fortunately your problem can be solved by transplanting a smaller penis onto you"
The desperate stutterer agrees to the operation, has it done, wakes up and goes home.
A week later he returns to the doctor's office:
"Doc, I really appreciate what you've done for me, but my wife isn't happy with the smaller penis. I'd hate to go back to stuttering, but I want my old one re-attached".
The doctor looks up from his desk and says
f-f-f*ck you, you're not getting it b-b-back.