News

**Anonymous Coward** Fringed Lunatic User ID: 4713 05-07-2010 07:50 PM

A young guy from Alberta moves to Vancouver and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says, “Yeah. I was a salesman back in Alberta.”

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did. His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

“How many customers bought something from you today?”

The kid says, “one”.

The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?”

The kid says, “$101,237.65″.

The boss says, “$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.

Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?”

The kid said, “No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, Dude, your weekend’s shot. You should go fishing.” Iiebfjsc

******** Nose Picker User ID: 5119 05-07-2010 08:37 PM

LOL thats awsome

here is a joke Joseph told me the other day

a man is praying to God
dear God help me win the lottory
next day he looses his job

that night he prays again
dear God help me win the lottory
next day he loses his car

that night he prays again
dear God help me win the lottory
next day he loses his house

then he asks God why didnt you help me?
God tells him

well you have to meet me half way

Minister of Sinister User ID: 5582 05-07-2010 08:43 PM **Posts: 23,921**

**Aqua**

**Skeptic™** · **Skeptic™** User ID: 5410 05-07-2010 09:46 PM **Posts: 4,557**

That was pretty good, 'fish!

lol

So are you ever going to register here?

**Sarah**

A precious little girl walks into a Petsmart shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit,or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

The little girl, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

**Anonymous Coward** We Are Legion User ID: 4955 05-08-2010 03:46 AM

A priest is running away trying to scape from a Lion. Suddenly the priest stops, gets on his knees and starts praying. Our father who art in Heaven, please convert this Lion into a Christian so it won´t eat me. The Lion stops, kneels down, and starts praying. Our Father who art in Heaven, bless this food that I am about to eat.

Minister of Sinister User ID: 5582 05-08-2010 03:47 AM **Posts: 23,921**

Sarah Wrote:

"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

d'oh!

Minister of Sinister User ID: 5582 05-08-2010 03:48 AM **Posts: 23,921**

Anonymous Coward Wrote:

A priest is running away trying to scape from a Lion. Suddenly the priest stops, gets on his knees and starts praying. Our father who art in Heaven, please convert this Lion into a Christian so it won´t eat me. The Lion stops, kneels down, and starts praying. Our Father who art in Heaven, bless this food that I am about to eat.

Touche. Reminds me of the chaplains who pray for victory in war.

Minister of Sinister User ID: 5582 05-08-2010 03:52 AM **Posts: 23,921**

An Imam, a Rabbi, and a Priest...

...get into a terrible fight on a bus, causing the driver to lose control, sending the bus over a high cliff. These three who caused this terrible crash stand before God who tells them, "Well, you guys really screwed up. But I am going to give you a second chance, and send you back to Earth one last time. But if you do not obey my commands, you will surely die.

"Imam, if you try to recruit for Jihad, you will surely die.

"Rabbi, if you are a covetous pinch-penny, you will surely die.

"Priest, if you fuck anyone in the ass, you will surely die."

Then POOF! They are sent back to Earth. In the city square, the three of them are walking, and overhear a religious debate among some young folk. The next thing they know, they have been drawn into the debate themselves. And suddenly, the Imam finds himself trying to recruit a young man for Jihad, and POOF! The Imam is gone.

But right where he was standing, is the jingling of a shiny coin coming to rest. The Rabbi bends over in front of the Priest to pick it up. POOF, POOF!!!

**Sarah**

Okay, that last one was good!

Minister of Sinister User ID: 5582 05-08-2010 03:58 AM **Posts: 23,921**

Cheers Sarah. I actually made that one up myself too.

**Sarah**

Quote:Cheers Sarah. I actually made that one up myself too.

Think you may have found a new vocation. I hear Kathy Griffith needs some new writers Hiding3

**Anonymous Coward** Fringed Lunatic User ID: 4713 05-08-2010 04:55 AM

That was pretty good, 'fish!

lol

So are you ever going to register here?

No, I'm not registering. By this you shall know me....... Iiebfjsc