Post: #1

There is something I want to share with you, because I've heard many people on this site talk about how if they were going to be homeless, they would rely on their family and friends. Maybe in a SHTF scenario, you're thinking you might take your family in, like I was planning. My thoughts on this weren't very concrete.

I always thought when the chips were really down, people's good side would shine through.

Through a series of events, I am losing my house. It's a long story, but I have never been in this position of needing help.

Toward the end, a relative moved in and was going to help with the payments. They stayed for several months for free, I found them work, and when the time came to pitch in financially, they up and moved in the middle of the night. They thought that living with me for free, eating my food, and doubling my utility bill was "helping out" -- you know, because they are so fascinating and entertaining. I wish I was kidding. This put me into worse financial shape. I was chastised by another family member for not giving this person a going away party.

I have informed every member of my family that I am losing my place to live. I have asked for help. Not one has offered me a place to stay, no one has given me a dime, including the relative down the street with a 4000 square foot house for three people. I always assumed my family would help me because I have helped them in the past. I thought the ones that owed me money would be thrilled to lend me a hand or would at least feel guilty and pay me what they owe me.

A very good friend who I nursed through a flesh eating bacterial infection for three weeks last year also refused to help me. I have helped this individual through two other surgeries. They live alone in a four-bedroom house.

The final straw came from one of the closest people to me. A friend who was in a similar situation I allowed to move in with me. I swallowed my pride, told them I needed help and asked them to call me. They are very aware of my situation. I have not heard from them in six weeks.

I have literally begged people to pay me the money they owe me.

When my family and these other people ask me what I am going to do, I have told them that I am going to live in my car, just to see their response. Nothing.

There have been incredible people who have come forward. A neighbor offered to buy my house and rent it back to me for less money, and another offered to help me move. A third person I know through business offered to let me stay in their vacation condo for free. And finally, another friend a few hours from where I am offered to let me stay with him for a year, rent free and offered me a job if I needed one. I probably won't need their help, but it's nice to know I have a fall back position.

I believe this all came about to change my attitude about helping people. I think the economy is going in the drain over the next six months, much worse than it is now. I think everyone is going to need help. I had always thought, "Of course I will help my family", but now I am rethinking that approach. I am now beginning to ask myself how those people would behave if there was very little food, would they share? If they had the only functioning vehicle, would they allow me to drive it? Things like that.

It's not about punishing them, but about not inviting people in with the selfish mindset. I think I had to go through this experience to understand that I need to protect myself from those people in an emergency situation.

I urge you to rethink your position on people so you don't learn it the hard way. Just because they are related to you does not automatically mean they will help you. Don't be like me and assume it.

At this point, I would rely on my neighbors long before I would my family and friends.

Just a heads up for you guys, so you can learn from my shitty lesson.

Post: #2

You are light.
Namaste

Post: #3

I do feel for you and I am sorry. I think you are spot on that you really can't trust in people just because they are family. Now, imagine for a moment that 85% of the people in your neighborhood, block, town, city, etc. are also in similar circumstances and all of them perceive that everyone else has something to give them (due to our entitlement society).

It's not going to be pretty... at all.

I think that's why nearly every prepper instruction that I have found stress above all else to have a tight knit group of people THAT YOU TRUST YOUR LIFE WITH in an area. That doesn't necessarily include family, as bad as that is.

May you find the sustenance you need to get by.

Post: #4

Strangers and friends who give, give more unconditionally, according to my experience. I have been helped out by a stranger now for two years who has housed and fed my daughter and me, and also provided a nice car to drive, and gas money, etc

I have been helped out by my mom, but generally grudgingly and with many strings attached (but thanks so much for the help anyway, I sure needed it)..

So I agree with you on your post. Just because you are genetically related does not make a relationship meaningful.

Proofs in the pudding!!

Post: #5

Kill the Matrix  Wrote:

I believe this all came about to change my attitude about helping people. I think the economy is going in the drain over the next six months, much worse than it is now. I think everyone is going to need help. I had always thought, "Of course I will help my family", but now I am rethinking that approach. I am now beginning to ask myself how those people would behave if there was very little food, would they share? If they had the only functioning vehicle, would they allow me to drive it? Things like that.

Post: #6

So very sorry OP.

I can't stand people like you've, unfortunately, experienced...they're always taking, never giving. They're always there to take advantage of your kindness, but are never there when you need the help. They'll drain you financially, emotionally, etc... I learned my lesson the hard way with people like this. I'm still a giving person, but I always consider myself in the equation at the same time now.

Post: #7

very good post KTM..

i think it is good advice.. know where you stand and who would stand with you..
it is even better to be able to stand on your own, if you can..

i admire you for coming through this, not with bitterness in the end, but standing tall and sharing your experiences, that it might help others. :)

honourable.

Post: #8

You condemn yourself by giving.


Sorry, no shtf, you sound like food, errr, easy prey.

Post: #9

I've discarded the that kicked me while I was down through out my whole life & held on tight to those that stuck by me in tough times. I have an amazing support system now. My best friend took off work & drove over three hours to be with me when my dad passed away. I would do the same for her without question. Those are the people you keep around.

Good luck with everything & hang tight. Help comes from people you least expect sometimes.

Post: #10

I have a relative through marriage who has a brother-in-law who is a millionaire.

My relative is married to the millionaires sister, and they live comfortably but in no way are rich.

The sister is the one that is having to take care of their elderly parents.
The parents A/C broke down this summer and they asked the rich son if he would buy them a new A/C and he said "no, his money is his money and he isn't giving any of it to family."

Post: #11

Quote:I've discarded the ones that kicked me while I was down through out my whole life & held on tight to those that stuck by me in tough times.

Many of us are learning that the hard way. Great post KTM, and lots of people in that boat with you!

Post: #12

No one can serve two masters. When the choice between love and money arises, most people in this money-driven world will choose what they believe will benefit themselves and their pocketbooks. It's what drives their votes in elections these days. Do you expect it not to drive everything else they do? Those without money will be demonized and declared useless baggage, thus setting the stage for their extermination -- in their own best interest, of course.

Post: #13

Sunny  Wrote:

I have a relative through marriage who has a brother-in-law who is a millionaire.

My relative is married to the millionaires sister, and they live comfortably but in no way are rich.

The sister is the one that is having to take care of their elderly parents.
The parents A/C broke down this summer and they asked the rich son if he would buy them a new A/C and he said "no, his money is his money and he isn't giving any of it to family."

Lazarus and the rich man. What the rich man failed to see was his future in which he was the poor, needy one. Had he seen it, he would have thrown open his door and did all he could do to help the poor man. Then he would have "treasure in heaven (the world to come)" and have instead found himself in a very different future.

Post: #14

I would work with close friends who are like-minded.

So no, no family coming to live with me.

Post: #15

I'm not really upset about my family and friends, just more "astounded" than anything else. I am sure I will be okay. Thank God I was stockpiling because I was able to feed myself for the past two months and ate through much of what I had stored. I still have a solid month left of food.

I just want you guys to learn from this, to realize that many times, family sucks.

I know who I will be depending on in the future and I intend to move closer to them.