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Weird Mormon Beliefs
Weird Willard
lop guest
User ID: 129260
10-28-2012 06:32 AM

 



Post: #1
stars Weird Mormon Beliefs
doomedWEIRD MORMON BELIEFSdoomed

http://www.exmormon.org/tract2.htm

God was once a man like us.
God has a tangible body of flesh and bone.
God lives on a planet near the star Kolob.
God ("Heavenly Father") has at least one wife, our "Mother in Heaven," but she is so holy that we are not to discuss her nor pray to her.
Jesus was married.
We can become like God and rule over our own universe.
There are many gods, ruling over their own worlds.
Jesus and Satan ("Lucifer") are brothers, and they are our brothers - we are all spirit children of Heavenly Father
Jesus Christ was conceived by God the Father by having sex with Mary, who was temporarily his wife.
We should not pray to Jesus, nor try to feel a personal relationship with him.
The "Lord" ("Jehovah") in the Old Testament is the being named Jesus in the New Testament, but different from "God the Father" ("Elohim").
In the highest degree of the celestial kingdom some men will have more than one wife.
Before coming to this earth we lived as spirits in a "pre-existence", during which we were tested; our position in this life (whether born to Mormons or savages, or in America or Africa) is our reward or punishment for our obedience in that life.
Dark skin is a curse from God, the result of our sin, or the sin of our ancestors. If sufficiently righteous, a dark-skinned person will become light-skinned.
The Garden of Eden was in Missouri. All humanity before the Great Flood lived in the western hemisphere. The Ark transported Noah and the other survivors to the eastern hemisphere.
Not only will human beings be resurrected to eternal life, but also all animals - everything that has ever lived on earth - will be resurrected and dwell in heaven.
Christ will not return to earth in any year that has seen a rainbow.
Mormons should avoid traveling on water, since Satan rules the waters.
The sun receives its light from the star Kolob.
If a Gentile becomes Mormon, the Holy Ghost actually purges his Gentile blood and replaces it with Israelite blood.
A righteous Mormon will actually see the face of God in the Mormon temple.
You can identify a false angel by the color of his hair, or by offering to shake his hand.

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flintstone
lop guest
User ID: 125316
10-28-2012 06:33 AM

 



Post: #2
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
5* post op.
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flintstone
lop guest
User ID: 125316
10-28-2012 06:34 AM

 



Post: #3
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
oh sorry about not quoting that bullshit in my reply
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flintstone
lop guest
User ID: 125316
10-28-2012 06:34 AM

 



Post: #4
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
dammit. it happened again. my bad
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Molotov
Registered User
User ID: 128638
10-28-2012 06:39 AM

Posts: 251



Post: #5
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
Weird Willard  Wrote:
doomedWEIRD MORMON BELIEFSdoomed

http://www.exmormon.org/tract2.htm

God was once a man like us.
God has a tangible body of flesh and bone.
God lives on a planet near the star Kolob.
God ("Heavenly Father") has at least one wife, our "Mother in Heaven," but she is so holy that we are not to discuss her nor pray to her.
Jesus was married.
We can become like God and rule over our own universe.
There are many gods, ruling over their own worlds.
Jesus and Satan ("Lucifer") are brothers, and they are our brothers - we are all spirit children of Heavenly Father
Jesus Christ was conceived by God the Father by having sex with Mary, who was temporarily his wife.
We should not pray to Jesus, nor try to feel a personal relationship with him.
The "Lord" ("Jehovah") in the Old Testament is the being named Jesus in the New Testament, but different from "God the Father" ("Elohim").
In the highest degree of the celestial kingdom some men will have more than one wife.
Before coming to this earth we lived as spirits in a "pre-existence", during which we were tested; our position in this life (whether born to Mormons or savages, or in America or Africa) is our reward or punishment for our obedience in that life.
Dark skin is a curse from God, the result of our sin, or the sin of our ancestors. If sufficiently righteous, a dark-skinned person will become light-skinned.
The Garden of Eden was in Missouri. All humanity before the Great Flood lived in the western hemisphere. The Ark transported Noah and the other survivors to the eastern hemisphere.
Not only will human beings be resurrected to eternal life, but also all animals - everything that has ever lived on earth - will be resurrected and dwell in heaven.
Christ will not return to earth in any year that has seen a rainbow.
Mormons should avoid traveling on water, since Satan rules the waters.
The sun receives its light from the star Kolob.
If a Gentile becomes Mormon, the Holy Ghost actually purges his Gentile blood and replaces it with Israelite blood.
A righteous Mormon will actually see the face of God in the Mormon temple.
You can identify a false angel by the color of his hair, or by offering to shake his hand.

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I was raised in the Morg and the only one of these I have never heard was the animal resurrection one. I'm not saying it isn't a belief, just that I don't remember that. It may have been one of those things that just flew over my head b/c in the scheme of things, it is no biggie.

[Image: christeene_zps0b0181b6.jpg]
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LoP Guest
lop guest
User ID: 130010
10-28-2012 06:48 AM

 



Post: #6
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
So Mormons are not in anyway related to Christianity then.
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LoP Guest
lop guest
User ID: 129260
10-28-2012 06:54 AM

 



Post: #7
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
Mormons are a cult.
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BloodRed
~ LOVE, BE LOVED, OR BE LEFT BEHIND. ~
User ID: 18489
10-28-2012 06:58 AM

Posts: 7,764



Post: #8
heart RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
~ Link's not working for me, OP... (but it could be just me).

~ And even IF this clown didn't believe in magic underwear, I _STILL_ wouldn't vote for some dumbass fratboy.

~ He and his buddy Obama need to kick rocks.

http://lunaticoutpost.com/Topic-PREPPING...STORM-2012
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LoP Guest
lop guest
User ID: 129260
10-29-2012 02:25 AM

 



Post: #9
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
Bump
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Dino
Registered Lunatic
User ID: 118650
10-29-2012 02:52 AM

Posts: 2,091



Post: #10
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs

I have only come here seeking knowledge, things they wouldn't teach me of in college.... -Gordon Sumner
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5...re=mh_lolz
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LoP Guest
lop guest
User ID: 101295
10-29-2012 02:54 AM

 



Post: #11
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
You forgot to add that Pluto is a dog and not a planet.
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RockTheCatbox
Banned
User ID: 125779
10-29-2012 03:14 AM

Posts: 1,970



Post: #12
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
I'd hit it...

[Image: B5DD_508DD854.gif]
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LoP Guest
lop guest
User ID: 124067
10-29-2012 03:21 AM

 



Post: #13
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
You never see anything about the exchange of blood between man and wife within the Mormon church.
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nzreva
Registered User
User ID: 130223
10-29-2012 03:24 AM

Posts: 104



Post: #14
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
Their Elohim is very not mine.
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Pope Barbie Imaculata
Praise "Bob"
User ID: 125918
10-29-2012 03:26 AM

Posts: 9,945



Post: #15
RE: Weird Mormon Beliefs
RockTheCatbox  Wrote:
I'd hit it...

[Image: B5DD_508DD854.gif]

Tissue What a waste.

Grand High Pope of the Discordian Church of the blessed Dobbs head.
[Image: 519fa85ea5caa.jpg]
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